


Married or Not

by canthelpmyselves



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: A Meta Made Them Do It, Barry Allen Is A Human Vibrator, Fake Marriage, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 06:34:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15924872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canthelpmyselves/pseuds/canthelpmyselves
Summary: Barry and Mick get hit by a meta's powers and think they're in love, much to the disgust, annoyance and/or embarrassment of everyone else.





	Married or Not

“Leonard Snart?”

Len pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at the caller ID. It said ‘Scarlet’, but that wasn’t Barry’s voice. “Who is this?”

“I’m Iris West, Barry’s sister.”

“What can I do for you, Miss West?” he asked warily. Why did she have the kid’s phone and why was she calling him?

“You should probably come to Star labs,” she said hesitantly. 

He could hear the frantic murmuring of other voices in the background, but couldn’t make out the words. “And why would I do that?” he questioned carefully. 

“Ummm,” she hedged for a couple of seconds. “So you can congratulate your best friend on getting married?” she asked faintly.

Len’s eyes widened. Barry had gotten married? He hadn’t even known the kid was dating anyone since Spivot moved away. “Congrats to Scarlet, but I have to ask, since when are he and I best friends?” he drawled. 

The young woman huffed and he heard someone yelling something about eye bleach. “I mean your friend Heatwave,” she replied, her voice cracking on the name. 

Len didn’t even notice he’d dropped his phone until Lisa stepped out of the kitchen and asked if he was okay.

***

As soon as Len and Lisa stepped into the cortex Iris West ran over and thrust a gun into Lisa’s hand. “It’s Dad’s!” she said quickly. “Hide it!”

Lisa shoved the gun into her jacket pocket just as Joe West came storming into the room from a different door. His eyes zeroed in on his daughter first. “Where is it?” he demanded. “I’m not gonna kill them. I’m just gonna wound them a little!”

Len automatically pulled out the cold gun and stepped in front of Lisa and Iris both. “Detective,” he growled in a warning voice. 

Joe’s expression darkened even more. “Somehow, this is your fault, Snart!”

Iris peeked around Len carefully. “Dad, you now that’s not true! It’s the meta’s fault!”

Joe looked close to blowing a gasket. “And I’ll shoot her just as soon as I’ve shot Rory, Stein and Snart!”

A flash of lightning heralded the arrival of Barry, who looked at Len with a big, sunny smile. “Lenny! You came!” he said happily. “I didn’t think you would, but Honeybunny said you would and you even brought Lisa! This is so great! You can’t possibly know what it means to us!”

Len’s eyes bugged out as Barry zipped forward and hugged him, then did the same to Lisa, apparently not caring that his sister saw him use his powers. A second later he spotted Mick stepping into the cortex, Stein, Ramon and Snow right behind him. They looked worried but Mick looked pleased. It was the same look he had the night he burned half of the warehouse district in Gotham five years ago. Len immediately went on high alert.

Joe stepped forward and drew back a fist, but Ramon and Stein quickly grabbed his forearm and held him back. Mick, ignoring the detective, walked over and pulled Len into a tight hug before kissing Lisa’s cheek and then wrapping his arms around Barry from behind.

“Happiest day of my life,” Mick said with a wide grin. Barry held up his left hand, wiggling the fingers and showed off the wide silver band he now wore. 

Len spun and looked at Iris. “What the hell???”

***

Len pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. “Let me get this straight,” he grumbled. “Scarlet was fighting a meta, Mick stumbled upon the fight, they both got hit by some sort of gas, disappeared for six hours and then walked into the labs, claiming they were married by Stein, are madly in love and are now going to have children.”

“Three!” Barry called out from his seat on Mick’s lap. “At least one should be a boy to carry on the Rory name,” he cooed as he stroked Mick’s chest.

“And a dog,” Mick said firmly, nuzzling Barry’s neck fondly. “Kids need a dog. And a big yard.”

Barry gave Mick a heart melting smile. “Aww! I love you, pookie!”

Mick gave Barry a dopey smile in return. “Love you, too, sugar!”

Lisa turned to Caitlin with disgust. “Okay, that has to stop! Fix them!”

Caitlin sighed heavily. “From what we can tell, the gas, once inhaled, puts a person into a sort of… overly affectionate state. They imprint on the first person they see, falling madly, apparently insanely, in love with that person. All inhibitions are gone, all moral or social boundaries are disregarded. In Barry and Rory’s case, they both also seem to have a tendency to be highly affectionate,” Caitlin suddenly gasped and closed her eyes, “...and possess overactive libidos!!!” 

Cisco squeaked, his eyes bugged out and he quickly turned to face the other way.

Len sighed heavily and looked at Iris. “Again?” he asked wearily.

Iris sent a quick look over her shoulder and nodded. “Again.”

The sound of a zipper being undone had him reaching for the cold gun. “Get a damn room!” he growled, keeping his eyes forward, desperately trying to ignore the moans and groans coming from both his partner in crime and his nemesis. They all heard a few fumbling steps and the sound of the storage room door opening and shutting.

Snow turned to Professor Stein who was standing beside Iris sheepishly. “How could you marry them?” she demanded.

Stein gave a helpless shrug. “I tried to talk them out of this! Then Barry started sobbing,” he defended. “Rory threatened me with the heatgun for making his 'Pooh Barr’ cry! If it helps, there’s no actual marriage certificate. They only think they’re married.”

“I changed my mind,” Joe hissed as lewd moans and a rhythmic thudding sound filled the air. “I’m shooting myself. That’s the only way I’m getting any of this out of my head!”

“Dad, you’re not helping!” Iris snapped.

Len checked the charge on his coldgun and took a deep breath. “I’m going back to that park and see if I can track the meta. When I get back, we’ll undo,” he waved vaguely toward the storage room, “that travesty. While I’m gone, YOU,” he pointed at Cisco fiercely, “get to work on some sort of device or drug that can erase memories. Because I’m with West. I want this entire day out of my head!”

He turned and stomped toward the exit, Lisa following closely behind him. “No way am I staying here,” she warned. 

***

What followed was two days of sickeningly sweet pet names, increasingly desperate threats of violence from West and some of the loudest, most carnal sex Len had ever heard in his life. No place in the lab was unsullied. Everyone quickly learned to press their ear to a door or knock before going into any room.

Lisa had the misfortune of catching Mick bending Barry over Cisco’s work bench. Iris walked in on Barry on his knees, pleasuring Mick, in the med room. Len’s pretty damn sure that there wasn’t a suspicious stain on the seat of his bike when he arrived at the labs, nor did he remember having a torn condom wrapper tucked into the foot rest. He’s going to have to sell it. Or burn it. Maybe both. Immediately.

When Ramon finally managed to locate the meta, the woman didn’t stand a chance. Len stormed into her hide-out and dropped her with one shot of the tranquilizer gun Ramon had given him. They placed her in one of the cells and waited for her to wake up. 

She was surprisingly helpful, even seemed to feel a bit guilty for what had happened. She explained that her powers weren’t constant, but appeared at random times at varying strength. Snow was able to make an antidote from the mist the meta exhaled.

Len managed to snag Mick between lust-induced romps and inject him. Iris did the same with Barry. The serum put both men to sleep for twelve hours. Hopeful that things would go back to normal, Len and Lisa carted Mick off to one of their safe houses while Iris took Barry home with her. 

***

Len woke up to the sound of someone knocking on the front door. He stumbled from the bed and began making his way down the hall, stopping when he spotted Lisa, Hartley and Mark sitting on the couch, looking traumatized. He was about to ask what was wrong when he noticed the knocking wasn’t coming from the front door. An all-too-familiar moan drew his attention to the closed kitchen door. 

He could feel his eyes bug out as he looked at Lisa. “No,” he mumbled. “No! They got the antidote! I injected Mick, myself!”

“They’re not being influenced by the meta, anymore. Not according to Dr. Snow,” Lisa sneered. Another filthy moan seeped through the closed door followed by a loud grunt. The thumping noise stopped, finally.

Len twitched as soft murmuring reached the group, along with a shy giggle. A minute later the kitchen door opened and Barry walked out, looking thoroughly ravished. Mick was right behind him, looking sweaty and smug.

“Um, hi,” Barry said, blushing when he spotted Len. 

Mick groped Barry’s ass and pecked him on the cheek. “Don’t be late for work, babe.”

Barry looked at his watch and cursed under his breath. “Damn!” He turned and kissed Mick quick, threw a wave toward the couch and sped out the door. Len stared at the door in disbelief. Did Scarlet just out himself to Hartley and Mark?

Hartley gave a snort before chuckling under his breath. After a moment Mark began to laugh, as well. Lisa rolled her eyes and sent Mick a dark look. “We’re going back to the labs and dosing you two again!”

Mick snorted and crossed his arms. “Don’t need it,” he insisted. 

“Then why are you fucking in the kitchen?” Lisa demanded.

Mick grinned widely. “Are you kidding? He’s young, pretty, has practically no refractory period and best of all, he vibrates. Why the hell would I say no to that?”

Mark’s jaw dropped. “Vibrates?”

“No refractory period?” Hartley repeated in awe.

“WHY THE KITCHEN?!” Lisa yelled.

Mick shrugged. “Closest flat surface from the door.”

“You’re buying a new table!” Lisa hissed. 

Len dragged a hand down his face before turning and stomping back toward his room. He collapsed back on his bed and pulled his pillow over his face. He couldn’t wait until the next Legends mission.

**Author's Note:**

> I tagged mildly dubious consent because initially, it's a meta's powers that get them together, but everything that happens after they are cured, that's all consensual and highly enjoyable.


End file.
